Mr. More than That

I had a lovely weekend! Went boating and relaxing on saturday, then went spontaneously mountain climbing with a friend of mine. We had originally planned on just a hike, but we saw a mountain and said "hey, why not!". It was so good! I felt so energized after that. Course, my legs and hands are all cut up and my body is hating me today, but it was awesome!

Well I said I would talk about this other friend who used to be more than a friend at some point. I'll go into that now. I've known him for about 10 years or so. Hes an awesome guy, lots of fun, as I said before a really respectable and respectful gentleman. Anyways, for the last probably 6 years, we've had a relationship on and off. We would get close, and then he would get too close, and it appears that I'm commitment-phobic or something, because as soon as it got too close, I would run away.

This last time I was actually ready for a commitment, but he just did a few things that to anybody else would be completely innocent, but in my past relationships there have been a few guys who refuse to listen to the word "no", and will push it and push it and bug me about it that I would either give in or they would do it anyways. So I'm really sensitive about things like that. So this guy, and I should probably give him a name so I can start sorting between "this guy" and "this other guy" and "this one other guy". Lets call him Jared.

So anyways, Jared would push physical things, and not like sex or anything, just innocent things like holding hands and kissing, but I had a really really bad experience just a few months ago, and those feelings are still really raw. So it freaked me out and we slowly started drifting away. We still hang out all the time and hes like a brother to me. I don't hold it against him because he knows nothing about what has happened in my past and they were completely innocent things. It really bothers me that I reacted the way that I did, but I can't control that. I'm working on it. So we still hang out as friends, and we had the "I just want to be friends" talk which made things awkward for a while. Which is why I am enjoying the single life. Hence the title :) I felt a lot of freedom after talking with him.

The biggest problem is that EVERYONE for the last few years has talked about how we would be perfect for each other and talking about the wedding, etc. My mom loves him like hes her own son, and sometimes seems to care more about how he is feeling than how I am feeling. Hes also a lot nicer than I am and she uses that on me a lot. Kinda sucks when I hear that "he deserves someone better". Meh. The right guy will come along, I'm just hoping he'll hold off for a little while longer :)

I was listening to "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Michael Buble yesterday and I'm pretty sure that it describes me completely.

This thing called love, well I just can't handle it
This thing called love, I must get around to it
I ain't ready, crazy little thing called love

Anyways, back to the grind!