Through the Storm

And we're back! After the short little blurp in my walk through life that I was experiencing during my last post, I am back to regular programming as it were. I've realized that I've almost forgotten my list of 100 things to do before I die. I believe I've only managed to cross out 2 things on the list! That leaves 98 things to do before I die. I had better get on it!

I officially had my birthday on sunday, and it was great! Didn't do anything really exciting, I just relaxed. Got lots of gifts and cards though ;) I truly think the only reason why most people remember birthdays now is because of Facebook. But hey, I'm not complaining! I got spoiled. It was fantastic.

Thats...pretty much all I had to say! Pretty exciting, no?

Confusion of the Heart

I don't understand what is going on in my head. I don't know what I want. Well thats not completely true. Its like...my head wants one thing and my heart wants another thing, which sounds like a corny line from a movie, but bear with me. My head wants to be alone, it wants to travel, it wants to experience new things, new places, new foods, new languages. It wants to be free in all aspects of the word. It wants to take advantage of independence, to only be responsible for itself, to grow and flourish.

But my heart? How can I explain what my heart wants? It wants to be held and captured, to be enchanted. It wants to be dependent on another. It wants to be flirted with and seduced. And it wants the attention of the sort of people that are totally wrong for it, that will only hurt it in the end.

How am I going to rid myself of that portion of my life? I don't want to see the people that can do nothing but harm me and want to be close to them. That doesn't even make sense! My head is telling me that they are dangerous, that they would only hurt my heart, that I should look the other direction. Yet I am still intrigued by them and would be almost willing to throw away all common sense and discretion just to get to know them. And for some reason, I want that struggle to be there. I want to be faced with the decision to be wise or to go forward with wreckless abandon.

Part of me says that I am being way too cautious, that I need to have some fun and really experience my age before its gone. The other part of me says that I need to grow up and realize what the consequences of my actions could be, and that I would just get hurt in the end.

This fight inside me really hurts. Mostly because both sides of me are beating up the other side. The wise side is smacking the foolish side upside the head because I'm being stupid. The foolish side is smacking the wise side because it needs to loosen up a bit.

Still hurts though.

Even though I’d be sacrificed,
You won’t try for me, not now.
Though I’d die to know you love me, I’m all alone.
Isn't something missing?
Isn’t someone missing me?

Everybody's Working for the Weekend

Yes, its true. Everybody IS working for the weekend. Though for me, I think I'm now working for a bit further in the future. I'm working for my future trips and my future house (which is going to be amazing. Don't know where it is or anything like that, I just know its going to be freaking awesome.). I really have not a whole lot to report at the moment, just feel a need to talk. To myself. In my head. Ever get those moments? I have nothing important to say. Just wasting some space.

Although now that I think of it, I really need to vent. Ever have those people in your life that you've known for YEARS but never really gotten to know...then they become friends with one of your best friends so you start having to get to know them. Not too long after, you realize that this person is nice piece of work. And yes thats sarcasm. This girl has single-handedly managed to destroy my friendship with two of my closest friends. And don't ask me how she did it, I have no idea! It was like a tiny atomic bomb that she planted without anyone knowing it or realizing it and then BOOM. Friendship gone. Thats literally how it worked. I just got in a fight with Trevor, and I've never fought with him before. We started yelling at each other and now we aren't talking. He talked to Jared though, and now Jared is mad at me and wants to yell at me. I told him I didn't think it was necessary, so now he isn't talking to me either. And it is ALL because of this girl. NOW I remember why I have trouble being friends with girls. These people.

Going for a massage tonight, woohoo! Getting ready for a business trip that I have next week. Should be fun!

Working for the Weekend

Finally Friday and I don't think I could be in a better mood! It has been a really amazing week and there isn't even a good reason for it. Its just gone by really quickly and been really relaxing. And I've got one heck of a weekend coming up!

I have been housesitting for the past 2 weeks and they are coming back tomorrow so I have a bunch of cleaning to do tomorrow morning. I have a martial arts weapons class after that, relax for a few hours, salsa class, going for sushi with a girl friend, then I'm going to the mountains for the next several days since I get Monday off of work, woohoo! I tell you, this martial arts class has been doing wonders for my health and mood. I am getting back in shape (finally getting those abs back ;) and I go for massages every Thursday night. Last nights was brutally painful, I thought I was going to pass out from the pain, but this morning I feel great! He has found muscles that I swear I never knew existed. And found the knots in them too. How fantastic. But its all for the greater good so it works.

In other news, someone randomly organized my desk for me today. A hint? Hehe. But I can't figure out who it was! And no one else seems to know either. It wasn't the cleaning people because that isn't their job and they could get fired for moving someones desk objects and papers around. So I can't figure it out. Whoever it was, thanks! Looks great.

I also have a new found love for Chantal Kreviazuk. Started with me watching How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, the song during the credits "Weight of the World". I can't believe I never realized how great her music was before.

And in exactly one month is my birthday. Hurrah! I never usually celebrate it until January or so because I just don't have time in December and neither do a lot of other people. Looking forward to it though!

Whats the Problem?

If its not one person driving me out of my mind, its another. I am seriously considering moving to Ireland. Permanently. I have this lovely little daily calendar by my desk of pictures of Ireland and mmmm, those green hills sound mighty fine right now.

Do some people not catch when you just don't want to talk about something? They ask you a question, you give a short, curt reply, thinking that will take care of everything and boom! Long, extensive email reply. And I understand that as a girl I'm supposed to be a lot more like that. Its supposed to be a guy thing to not want to talk about things, isn't it? Maybe I should have been born a guy. That would not have been nearly so much fun though. But I digress.

I may have overreacted a bit, handled something a little less than well. I figure if I didn't do it directly to you, that should be okay, right? Maybe thats a bad attitude to have but hey, if I don't even really know you, I shouldn't have to talk to you. I should deal with the person that I actually know and directly did something to and that should take care of it, right? Apparently not! Stupid people.

Now I understand why guys get so irritated when you press them and press them for answers. Sometimes it needs to be discussed but some things are better left alone. With the present situation, I'm going with the latter rather than the former. Things aren't looking good.

On a brighter side I'm going to the mountains this weekend! Looking forward to it...

And the Award for Most Confusing Individual Ever goes to....

Ahh, the drama continues! So, as I mentioned in my previous post, a former friend has gotten himself engaged. Which I ranted about a bit.

I saw him yesterday and I just wanted to avoid him. That worked out well. He sat down beside me at one point and apologized for being a jerk a few nights back. This is how the conversation went after that:

Friend: "So I want your opinion."
Me: "On what."
Friend: "You know exactly what I'm talking about"
Me: "I really don't want to talk about this."
Friend: "Come on, I want to know what you think"
Me: "I think its a bad idea."
Friend: "Okay. Now what do you REALLY think?"
Me: "Why does this even matter?"

Okay, now this is where things got weird. Keeping in mind that my friendship with him has been nearly destroyed over the last year and I can't remember the last time we actually talked about anything other than the weather...

Friend: "Because your opinion has always meant a lot to me. I think you are very intelligent, well-informed...and so anything that you tell me will be well-informed."

And he went on a bit about a wealth of experience or something like that.

Me: "Wow...thank you. Okay, honestly I think it is way too soon, you aren't ready, and its overall a really bad idea."
Friend: "Okay, well its really important to me that you know that I realize how soon this is."

Etc.

Friend: "Can you please come to me from now on and tell me what you think about things?"
Me: "Well we don't really have the kind of friendship where I can just go up to you and tell you that I think you're an idiot."

And the conversation kind of blurs from there.

...what??


ANYWAYS.

Went to a hockey game on saturday night, followed by a movie with Jared and Taylor. We saw The Kingdom which was, in a word, AMAZING. One of the best movies I've ever seen. I highly recommend it!

Now back to the real world...

Ahh, young love

So I find myself in an unbelievably good mood this morning, which is fantastic and for several reasons.

Just got a massage last night which was extremely relaxing, so I slept VERY well. This guy is amazing! It hurts at the time, but hes doing it to fix my back, neck and jaw, so I guess I'd rather it hurt and get fixed, than feel relaxing and do next to nothing. So that was amazing.

Next, I got the chance to send around an incriminating photo of my boss to all employees, which was fantastic. Hes a good friend of mine, so its all good.

And last but not least, an acquaintance of mine got engaged. And I think hes an idiot. So why am I in a good mood about it? It just makes me laugh. He can barely support himself and just had to find a new job because he lost his last one. Hes a high school drop out and...20 years old. And hes proposing to his girlfriend who makes more than him. On Halloween. And she accepted. All of the above is extremely humorous to me. He used to be my best friend and then started getting a little too close for comfort when I was in Peru, so I had to cut him out completely. When I got back, obviously things were very different. All in all, he has a LOT of potential. Just needs to go back to school and finish things up and do more in life than video and computer games, and hes set! But he refuses to. So I gave up nagging him to go back. So now when I see him doing something like this, I just have to shake my head. It can't end well. Not from what I know of him. Shes a sweet girl from what I know of her, nice enough, but she has NO idea what she is getting herself into.

Oh well, best of luck to both of them! The best part is when I see something like this, it reminds me of why I am single. And happy about it.

Now, off to go plan my next trip...